I feel like a yo-yo

I know I am not alone- but I sometimes feel like I am. Sometimes I want to be and am not. Other times I want to be surrounded by as many people and kids as possible, especially the kids, and loud ones. So loud I can't hear myself think. I often need to take scalding hot showers, sitting on the floor of the tub just so I can make it through the rest of the day. I don't want to be numb but at the same time I am. And then I feel so much all at one time that its overwhelming. This is my journey. It's not for you its for me, so if it doesn't make sense-tough.